Judgemental / speaking up

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    recently I was at a store, average drugstore so not really vast. Close to the cash register a guy left something that he likely had decided against buying in a random shelf. I don’t like this kind of behavior, especially when people leave perishable goods that should be refrigated at some random place (this one wasn’t perishable though). So I called him out on it, but I went overboard, raising my voice, getting angry when he acted like it wasn’t a big thing. In the end I was agitated a long time after and also ashamed for loosing my cool and not handling it better.

    I believe in society there need to be people who speak out when they see something that they believe is wrong. I think that man should have either brought the item back or ask at the cash register if they can bring the item back since he doesn’t have time etc. But obviously this didn’t go well. Would it have been better not to say anything? In what situations would it be appropriate to say something in your opinion? How to keep ones cool in those situations?


    • This topic was modified 1 year, 4 months ago by Lara.

    Maybe I should add that it made me angry because I think its thoughtless towards the staff working there. On the one hand its their job to clean everything up, on the other hand people should take responsibility for their own actions.


    Dear Lara:

    True, out of inattentiveness (not having considered it is rude and irresponsible) or out of rudeness (knowing it is rude and irresponsible, but not caring, and maybe even intending to be rude), people remove items from where they belong and leave them in other locations, instead of returning them to their rightful place.

    You did the right thing speaking up except that you went overboard with the anger (“I went overboard, raising my voice, getting angry”). It would have been appropriate if you told the person: excuse me, you left this item here and it doesn’t belong here- in a calm voice, and left it at that. (If the item he left was a perishable item, you could add: you left this perishable item outside the refrigerator, it can endanger someone’s health).

    Having read your first thread, your angry reaction to this man reminds me of what you wrote Nov 2018 regarding your mother: “always assuming the worst of people, not getting the fine nuances… there were times when I would say something she disagreed with, I don’t have an example there but I certainly remember the disgusted look she gave me, like I was the worst person on the planet”-

    * This man at the store, hopefully he wasn’t the worst person on the planet, even when he acted like it’s not a big deal. There are nuances: maybe he wasn’t rude but ignorant, maybe he was in a terrible rush. Your mother didn’t consider fine nuances, but you can consider these yourself.

    * Your mother over-reacted to what she believed you did wrong (said something she disagreed with) ,and you over-reacted to what this man did.

    To do justice to the comparison: this man did something wrong, but you did nothing wrong when you said something that she disagreed with. Even if you cared to say nothing at all, ever,  that she disagreed with, you .. it wasn’t possible for you to have the complete list of all the possible things she disagreed and will disagree with in the future, and double check what you are about to say with that list, before you open your mouth around her, every single time.




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