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People relying on my work?

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  • #328939
    crawford
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>I have one question which has been swirling around my mind recently and i would love to hear some opinions and perspective on this matter.</p>
    I know that everything will fall in its right place and i dont have to worry about anything since it is the ego-mind and i dont but still it feels as if i could use some help since im not asking for guidance or advice too often.

    I have come to the realization of who i am and who im not and it has been the biggest rediscovery of my life. I used to struggle alot and work through very rough problems, i used to feel depressed for many years and at many different times and finally have come to a pretty solid understanding of the “true self”.

     

    • So here comes my question, my closest ones have been noticing my sudden change and flowing energy and i feel they are more and more interested in what i have to say. Some ask questions and i answer from experience, and from the stranious work i have been through. I am just concerned that im giving away too much too easily, it feels as if i have put alot of effort,pain into my realizations and knowing and others are relying on me to just answer for them without any recognition of how i have been doing and what i went through to come to this knowing. Their problems are my problems, and vice versa. At the same time it feels as if i should not be concerned at all about giving out and helping other because they are a part of who i am, we are all one and as a great master once said “im just telling you where the milk is” “im not teaching im pointing out the truth”. Maybe there is some ego left in me which wants recognition and people to understand that they are relying on me but it feels unfair and unjust to just give out this pure light without people doing work. Also wrighting this and asking for help seems as it is pointless because i know everything unfolds the way it should but i just feel a bit mistreated when people seem to love to listen to what i have to offer but then use my work as their “own” without recognizing that i am helping them.

     

    Hope anyone can put some clarity into my dilemma, as i know i dont have one but still do. If you know what i mean:)

     

    Thank you

     

    #328967
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Crawford,

    People do what they are going to do anyway. Just because you help them and give them the wisdom of the universe doesn’t mean that they’ll internalize it. Maybe years later if you say something profound they will truly appreciate it because they will have been there themselves. And if they regurgitate something that comes from you, others will soon realize that their wisdom only goes so far.

    Best,

    Inky

    #329341
    crawford
    Participant

    Thank you inky for your reply, i appreciate it alot. I see that people are focused on their own reality most of the time and wont immediatly see the value of what im sharing also i have come to the conclusion that even the minor worries are quite unimportant and are fed by the mind which makes me want to convince people otherwise which makes the matter worse. Regarding my work, i can understand what you say about internalizing it. Anyone can listen and seem interested and as if they understand what you mean but only later on actually see the value and practicality in what has been said.

     

    Thank you again, and merry christmas!

    F

    #329921
    Lara
    Participant

    Dear crawford,

    you mentioned the “ego-mind” so I assume you are coming from a point of buddhism, Eckhard Tolle etc. I am most unfortunately not one of the enlightened in that aspect, but what I do know is this: even on Eckhard Tolles website you have to pay for membership if you want to access certain videos. So even he feels comfortable to take some token of recognition/appreciation.

    But the thing I thought when reading your post was that while I believe you that you struggled to get to know what you do now, usually we don’t learn in a vacuum. We read books, watch films, talk to people about our problems, see how other people solve their problems. You have reached a certain lvl but if now you sit on your knowledge how will you go on growing? You have theories on life but I believe they can best improve when you tell them to other people, see how they are received and reflect upon that. While you are giving a lot, you will also receive feedback and questions that will lead you further. So sharing is in itself not a bad thing. But I understand you want recognition for what you are giving, that people don’t just take your advice and pretend its theirs but say “crawford told me this” and to be genuinly interested in not only your advise, but also you. I am afraid I don’t have an answer to that, how you can make your ego not crave this. It sounds only human to me. But maybe you can remember you are also getting something in return by voicing your ideas out loud.

     

    #329931
    crawford
    Participant

    Hi Lara, thank you for your great answer. It made me think and rethink.

     

    As a great master once said, sharing the truth of the self to the wrong person is like putting a million volts through a electric shaver. It explodes. This is what i am slightly concerned about regarding sharing information and self-knowledge with people who are not serious or advanced enough to handle that kind of information and constantly checking for ego. Im happy to share what i know with everyone , i dont expect people to thank me or regard me as wise or put me on pedastol but i do want recognition/reliance for what i do know so that people dont steal knowledge from me. It does not help anyone, people who think they understand but only intellectualize what i tell them. Let me give you an example of what i mean by stealing. I was walking with my brother and on the way we met one friend which we both know, i was standing still while my brother started talking with him. I notice (unconciously) that my brother is socially anxious and the friend is quite calm in the discussion. When we leave from the discussion my brother immediatly asks a deceiving question. “Do you also notice how other people are anxious sometimes” and i opened up a discussion about anxiety and my experience on it and let him know alot about it. Suddenly i get a intuition that he is listening really intensely and i feel as if im “helping” him too much since he is the “one” having anxiety-problems but opening up the discussion about the matter for his owns sake. Maybe i sound like i dont trust people, and i suspect them too much but i have gotten this similar feeling with other people. The feeling of giving away some information which they should be able to solve on their own, and relying on me solving it for them in the guise of other people or manipulative ways. How do i make people see that they are relying on me for their problems, something says that i should not be giving too much for “free. I feel as if people dont ask me questions directly, that they have to go roundabout ways to get to know what i know and get help so they dont have to feel as they “rely” on someone/me. What might this be about?, im trying to understand what that kind of reflection tells about myself. Maybe people think they will “owe” me something in return which is not true. Also you mentioned that you dont learn this from a vacuum and it is completely true, i have read alot, listened alot, experienced alot, watched alot, felt alot and much of that from other people but when i ask for help or if i rely on someone i recognize that and let them know that they have helped me. I like talking with people, and much more than i used too. And i see that i cant learn if there was not any other people to learn from, yet i like to take some recognition in the work i have done in (this) body. I feel as if that helps me in my work, and makes me feel as if i am doing a good job. I have one friend which recognized me for my work and that helped immensely, i feel much happier to share my understanding with him without feeling as if he just sucks it up all for himself.

     

    Looking forward for your perspective.

    And yes im coming from a buddhist perspective, (eckhart tolle, mooji, alan watts)

     

     

    #330947
    Lara
    Participant

    Dear crawford,

    sorry for the late reply but I don’t log in here often I am afraid.

    I am still not quite sure what you mean when you say “people who think they understand but only intellectualize what i tell them”. When you mentioned “As a great master once said, sharing the truth of the self to the wrong person is like putting a million volts through a electric shaver. It explodes.” I immediately thought of this in terms of someone enlightened (e.g.) Jesus saying something but its missinterpreted and causes great pain. For example I think I can safely generalize that Christianity did in the past cause great pain missinterpretating Jesus. Is that the kind of impact you mean? You later mentioned that you want “want recognition/reliance”  and don’t want people “stealing” your knowledge. So I don’t think at this point I have grasped the outcome you are worried about. Do you worry about a negative impact for yourself? Or for other people?

    As for your brother, from the situation your described, I wouldn’t say he tried to take advantage of you. Or maybe not in the way you seem to take it, him wanting to steal something, take it without giving something (recognition?) back.What I interpret from your description instead is this: Your insecure brother was in a stressful situation for him. He turned to his brother, but beeing the shy/insecure person he is, he won’t say “Dear brother, I felt insecure in this situation. What should I do better next time?” Very few people do that, take the direct approach. maybe because they are afraid to be vulnerable. Still he wanted to voice the topic, see if you are willing to get into it. And you were (“i opened up a discussion about anxiety and my experience on it and let him know alot about it.”).

    So in this case I wouldn’t read too much into it. But maybe instead of opening up a general discussion and talk about your experience, how about turning that question back on him? “Yes I notice it quite often that people are anxious, actually. You seemed to be a bit anxious yourself earlier, how come? Don’t you like (Person X)?”

    As a sidenote I do wonder if he wondered if you were anxious, since you didn’t take part in the conversation between him and his friend.

    One more thought on this:  ” The feeling of giving away some information which they should be able to solve on their own, and relying on me solving it for them in the guise of other people or manipulative ways.” This is something I experienced with my father in a bit different way. Him wanting something for example and not saying “Could you bring X?” but instead “You could bring X, you know.” (Can’t really phrase it well) So I feel I get the frustration when you think “You want something, freaking ask and don’t go about it this roundabout way” . Maybe calling them out on it (gently) might be one way for you to go. E.g. in my example: Ah you would like me to bring X for you?

    What I disagree on with you is that you expect people to solve things on their own. Problem solving for me is one part reflection, but a bigger part team effort in some form or another (talking to friends/releatives/strangers/therapists/teachers etc., reading other peoples thoughts, observing).

     

    #334205
    crawford
    Participant

    Thank you for the answer and sorry for late answer myself.

     

    Some time has passed now and i have come to better understand to what im looking for and what im concerned about.

     

    I am differentiating intellectual knowledge and understanding. I notice that sometimes when people get to know something they think they know and understand the information without realizing the integration part of the progress. This is something i recognize and reflect about my past self, i thought that i understood the self by just knowing about it and the teachings. I suffered immensely from that kind of “stuckness” because it makes you believe your work is done in the spiritual field and that when you got it, you got it. I can see the validity in that aswell but when someone thinks they know and dont know it by understanding and experiencing the truth it can lead to alot of delusions and misunderstandings. So my clear question is, how can i help people to see that they have to integrate the knowledge they have of themselves by processing it from the within (taking care of body, mental health, and not just strolling around preaching the knowledge of the truth but not seing the truth of their individual truth. In my seing, these have to be integrated to have a better outcome and evolution. If you talk about health and spirituality and truth but at the same time lie sometimes, dont take care of the body you become contradictory and nobody will listen to such a person because it vibrates falseness in their being. Talking about truth but not being truth is my concern. Do i just let people do their mistakes and completely ignore that aspect of myself or can i help myself and people around me realize this easier without pointing out the truth about them in a personal way. I know all is being and going well by itself, i dont have to influence much but it is in my being to be helping and looking for better alternatives to these obstacles. And since i know the sad outcome of feeling and thinking you know but dont understand i dont want anyone to go through that. It is also quite obvious when someone tries to love but does not love themselves so they end up destroying others around them by really think that they are loving but they actually are self sacrficers and dont love themselves so naturally they can love anyone else. It is hard to show someone that they need to love themselves by telling them, they have to come to that understanding but i believe there should be something i can reflect to them to make them see it faster. It is not a enjoyable state and in that state i cant just justify “let it be” “it will sort itself out”. When i was in that state it was awful. Trying to love but not being love, trying to get joy but not being joy. I will meditate on this and i will probobly get some answers myself but i would live to see some perspective.

     

    Best regards

    F

     

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