Hi,

I am going through a tough time. For a couple years now. A lot have happened to mention here but in short: I could not complete my grad, lost my job, fell in love unrequited at the same time. Than a year later, my father passed away, still unemployed and now obesity level 2, had to move back to my mother’s house.

Most days I feel like I am a failure at everything: don’t have a relationship, nor a career or job (just making some bucks hustling),feel so powerless and beat myself up for every poor decision I have made in the past. Then on the other days I just keep existing trying to make ends meet and so.

I live in a third world country, so when I say I am struggling financialy it’s the real deal.  There’s something about financial struggles that really attacks our inner core, our  sense of value.

I was as I said, trying to get out of this bad path I am down, trying to work out and so. Then I confided to a friend what I was going through and she made such terrible comments that I can’t get out of my mind.

she said the worst fear in her life is to became like I am now, living with her mother unemployed. she said that she fought for her place in her job, and that if I had not made such poor choices and not had moved back into my mothers home I could be employed too. Then she made the whole subject about herself and her achievements, and I was so shaken by what she said that I cried in the subway all the way back home and missed my station.

I am not sure if I should break the friendship… she seems like a frenemy sometimes. I am confused because I am feeling worthless and sad, really. Its super hard to be the cautonary tale of someone else. It is hard to be humiliated knowing that if I had sucess and money this so called friends would be praising me.

it is just hard.