Dear Neha:

You wrote that you are concerned that if you use external treatment so to get pregnant, his parents’ desire to have grandchildren will be satisfied and your husband then will have “no more pressure from family” to have children and therefore he will not be motivated to treat his sexual dysfunction (erectile dysfunction I figure).

My comment is that pressure from family or from anyone cannot possibly lead a man to be heal erectile dysfunction. Pressure leads to dysfunction, not to healing from dysfunction. He needs no pressure!

Healing from chronic, or long term erectile dysfunction is very difficult, at least this is my understanding. It is a loop of sorts, the man fears not getting an erection and the anxiety leads to not getting it. Not getting it feeds further anxiety, so it is a loop.

If you  intend to remain in the marriage with him and the two  of you want to have children and are capable of being good parents, I think that what you call “external treatments” is an excellent idea.

As far as his sexual dysfunction, it is possible for the two of you to have a sexual relationship without an erection on his part. I am sure you can find literature on the matter, or the professional advice of a doctor or therapist specializing in sexual function and dysfunction. Relaxing into activity that does not involve anxiety on his part, can cause him to get relaxed and confident and maybe he will exit that loop at one point!

anita