Next steps,

Thanks so much for your input. You really sound like you know how it feels. I’m glad to hear you find contentment in little everyday things, I’ve been doing that lately too. I went for a walk earlier and watched a huge bunch of birds rise and come down again in a field each time I took a step closer to them. It was simple and peaceful.

All,

Do I think I deserve better? Hmmm, I deserve to be told I’m loved and that someone wants to spend their life with me and adores me. But my problem is that I still have my ex on such a pedestal. I’ve been trying to chip away at this ideal but it’s not faltering. I loved being with him, I didn’t like the disappointment but even including that, it’s the best I have ever felt in my life.

I think I could go out and eventually find someone who would say they love me or want a future with me, but they wouldn’t be who I want. I feel I wouldn’t have the same connection, chemistry, attraction and general sense of pride I had with my ex. So therein lies the loss of hope that I might find someone better.

I’m genuinely not deliberately trying to be negative, I’m just expressing how I feel with the aim of perhaps giving you more insight into where I’m at and maybe why I’m here.

I was exhausted yesterday, hence the delayed reply! I started my new part-time make up course after work and I’m already looking forward to my next class! I hope this feeling continues.

I spoke to my therapist yesterday and we debated and discussed various things. He opened up the suggestion to me that perhaps I’m not seeking new challenges or a way forward in life, not because I’m afraid of failure but because I’m afraid of success. I’ve always struggled with this theory. Who would be afraid of success? Failure is far scarier! Whereas as he says to me, failure is more familiar to many people, but success….success can mean change and I think we all know how I feel about change!

It was just food for thought and he asked me to consider it over the next week or two. I’m hoping to bury my head at work and then my course tomorrow and avoid the muck that is Valentines Day for me this year.

Michelle,

Im so happy you reached your destination safely and hopefully are now enjoying some well-deserved R&R?!