MtnsAreCalling,

I am sorry you have lost your family.  Congrats on turning yourself around.

Stephen Convey talks about this concept of an Emotional Bank Account. When your trust level is high, because you’ve made lots of deposits, communication is almost effortless. You can be yourself, and others understand and appreciate you. Then, when you make mistakes or offend someone unexpectedly, you draw on that reserve and the relationship still
maintains a solid level of trust.Conversely, when you are discourteous, disrespect others, interrupt others, speak sarcastically or ignore others, your emotional bank account becomes overdrawn because you have jeopardized the trust level.

Your account is overdrawn and your wife has closed the account.  Perhaps she will be open to communicate and let you in at a later time but for now honor her wishes.

You did not mention about apologizing to her and to each of your children (separately).  That would be a good start.

I would also look into what kind of amends you can do for her, for each child.

And continue to work on yourself for that is a lifelong process.  We are never done.

Mark