Dear me myself and I,

The things that you’ve described so far occurring in your life has convoluted and conditioned your brain into a constant fight/flight/freeze mode. From living with to separating from your mother to being stalked to the situation with housing, your brain is constantly searching for anything that can negatively affect you. The excessive stress and anxiety has conditioned your paranoia which is trapping your mind in a negative state.

First and foremost, find a way to calm your anxiety. If you can, look for counseling that will walk you through exercises that will calm your anxiety. If that’s not possible right now, then look for activities that you can that will calm your racing thoughts and heart. Is art still that thing? Can art help you enter into an neutral state that is neither happy nor sad, but just being? Because if it does, then continue it because that’s similar to what meditation does. Keep doing it then remember that feeling. Keep a strong hold on that feeling so when your mind is restless and racing with negative thoughts, which will affect your mood, remember that feeling. Envision that feeling and then try to bring that feeling into and out of your anxious reality. Make that feeling your priority.

Your anxiety cloud your thoughts so when you feel that it is overreacting, the best thing to do is to take deep breaths and calm your racing heart.

The thing with your mother is terrible, but seeing as you can’t depend on her for help, it’s best to ignore any issues with her until you have time and energy to sort it out. Unless she is still in your life, it is best to put any issues with her in a box for now and leave it for later. It’s important to deal with what you can first before tackling issues that you can leave for later. Also, to tackle any emotional issues regarding people, it is best to do so with a clear mind.

Good luck.