Dear sadman11:

Like so many of us, I too re-lived my past and I did so for decades. I wasn’t aware of it, but have been for a while, increasingly so. When I look back on my youth being lost in that re-living, not having been available for a different kind of living, the sheer amount of my life having been wasted is overwhelming. But I’ve been on what I call the healing path since 2011, persistently, almost eight years. If I knew how much time, how much patience and how difficult it would be for me, I might have not started. Every so often along the way I imagined I was close to a… healed state but not so. There was more, and more to understand, more to understand on a deeper level, and then, even deeper. At this point I can see that we can never see all that there is to see, but I see enough to no longer be confused, to no longer engage in ongoing arguments with myself.

Notice how the part of your brain that is caught in the past may be wanting to resolve the conflicts of your past by focusing on your girlfriend’s past: “I find myself insecure and accusing my girlfriend of cheating and arguing with her about the past all the time”- I did something similar myself. I was obsessed about someone else’s past.

You wrote that you are looking for answers from within. So many, many answers are there, within you, in that incredible organ, the brain. Many of the answers are very simple but we can’t get to those answers because fear is in the way, keeping our awareness away like barb wire keeps trespassers out.

If you would like, we can communicate for a while. Maybe some of what I learned can help you and I have no doubt, some of what you learn will help me.

anita