Hey. Sorry for the more random postings these days.

What I meant is action in line with thinking is how to progress, one without the other does not make a difference.  As you say, and are doing, your thinking is still to continue your old relationship. Be it through fear of facing a different future or of accepting change and growth, therefore any actions you take are not going to move you away from this, they will be a distraction to fill time only. This is why I suggested the ‘imagine your perfect future’ exercise – as once you can articulate what you want it becomes possible to say yes and no to what does and doesn’t help get you there.

Take Kkasxo for example ( hope you don’t mind! ) – she is very very clear that her major goal and number one priority in life is to be a wife and mother.  Therefore it becomes much easier to plan and prioritise her actions in line with her thinking. E.g. no need or desire to focus her efforts on chasing down a career or plan out travels but to focus on becoming a healthy individual again ready to be the great wife and mother she wants to be. Step one is to find the right situation to live in and the help required to heal from her trauma so she is ready as a person for such a committed relationship. Step two, assess whether her ex is or could be such a person again or if the trust has gone and therefore that relationship will not give her what her heart desires. Which if not then makes moving on ‘easier’ as she knows it is not going to help towards her heart’s desires.  Etc etc.

It sounds a bit pragmatic/logical and clearly it’s not as smooth sailing as all that in real life with ups/downs and back/forth/roundabouts as you go – but the clearer you acknowledge your wants/needs and truly assess reality against those  – and then most importantly take action in line with that ( even if & especially when it means facing up to the scary things you don’t want to deal with )  – that’s when things start shifting and progress is made, if you really want it.