Dear sadman11:

You wrote: “(I) am focused on my life and career which I feel my emotions are becoming more stable”- keep this focus.

Regarding your relationship: if it continues to cause you this much anxiety and distress, better end it. But before you do, there is something you can do. It is simple but very difficult:

-what I figure is happening is that you are angry inside, from long ago, from the time you were a child and this anger is what is fueling your accusing and arguing with your girlfriend (“accusing my girlfriend of cheating and arguing with her about the past all the time… I pick out every little thing I don’t like in it and create arguments with it”).

If you adequately express your childhood anger  (maybe in quality therapy/ group therapy, a professional setting of some sort), express it in words and feel it, you will remove your anger from the here-and-now relationship with your girlfriend –

-and place it where it belongs, in the there-and-then circumstances of your childhood, freeing your current relationship from this anger.

Simple but difficult. You are welcome to express some of that anger here. in your next post. If you do, it will be more beneficial if you use simple language, the language a child will use.

(It is this long ago anger, I believe, that is in the core of your depression, the anger itself and your frustration about how it is ruining your relationship now)

anita