Hey Shelby – ah, hugs, tissues and a big glass of wine ( red or white??! ) for you…I get it, I do. I have had similar people in my life at times when I have needed them and they made a huge difference in helping to face my fears and open my eyes to how life,I, could be. If I can help be one of those people for you through this forum, I’m honoured.  When next feeling silly/unworthy when you can’t or don’t want to follow it through – try to work through instead what fear is holding you back from doing so. Fear is so often at the heart of so many things and like most things that like to lurk in shadows and dark places, if brought out into the open and examined or actioned, are way less scary than all the thoughts. (Apart from spiders obviously….they’re clearly totally logical to be worried about…..she says, in the middle of the tropical rainforest here…..)

Thankyou for sharing. I can see why you would have fear of opening up given the losses you have been through. It is incredibly difficult to be brave enough to love again, both romantically and friends/family once you have experienced the hurt that comes from losing loved ones, especially people who also provided security in your life. It is not too surprising you are therefore unwilling and currently unable to voluntarily put yourself through this with moving on from your ex. Is it not interesting that you have seen your Dad enjoy the miracle of a second love but do not believe in such an opportunity for yourself?  Yes, it would be easier if your ex would start seeing someone else or in some such way close the door for you – but I’m afraid it sounds like this really is your opportunity to choose to hope for better for yourself. And it is scary as hell to take responsibility for your own decisions and your own life. Most people run a mile from doing so, much easier to blame others/life.

What makes you anxious when you are away from him?  That you won’t be able to cope? That you need to make your own decisions? That you don’t know what to do or how to be safe without him?  Have you considered the perspective that your wanting more from the relationship than he is offering – such as moving in together – was perhaps not motivated by your personal growth but from an increased dependency on him and wanting to spend less time apart, less anxious Shelby time to deal with? Be curious what you think.

PS – Looking after kids is damn hard, hope you have the good news from your sister soon.