Dear Dahn:

I think I understand what you need. And I think it is possible for you to achieve what you need, only it is not easy and it requires great persistence and practice through time, enduring distress, lowering it, enduring more and more and keep the practice regardless.

Your fear of asserting yourself and asking for help, that fear is powerful. It stops you every time you attempt to be assertive or ask for help. The answer really is not in your relationship with your mother, she gave you the messages she thought will help you function better and I suppose it would have if you lived in a very traditional setting. But this is not your case, your setting, your life and it can’t be.

So here is how you do it, next time you need to assert yourself, it may be today or tomorrow, something already brewing, specify the situation, the person or people involved, then plan on what you will say, when and how, write it down, then the following day, execute  it. It will feel scary, you will feel distressed (and/ or numb), but do  it anyway. If you need help with the specific situational planning, let me know.

anita