Hi Sarah

Sorry your feeling so down. I wish there was some magic words that could suddenly help you to view life differently.

Life is a ever turning cycle. That reality is life’s wonder which can bring hope, but if were honest also despair as we so wish to be in control and force life to conform to our will.

Advice for what its worth. There is a time in every hero’s journey where they must preserver without leaning on hope. This is a time of deep uncertainty and doubt yet the hero continues. Its kind of interesting but it seems to me anyway, that it is often the loss of hope while continuing to push through, becoming comfortable with uncertainty and doubt that is the point in the story that opportunity presents itself. A opportunity that the hero may never have imagined possible yet where they discover their gold. (You may enjoy the book The Alchemist)

Its ok to be uncertain, to doubt and not being able to envision a future. This may be a time where your task is to focus on completing your PHD and letting go of expectations of where you imagine you “should” be.  What is required at this time it to continue the every day tasks, ‘moving’ while keeping your eyes open.

Pay attention when your thinking goes all or nothing. For example ‘things will always be this way’, ‘I will always be lonely’, ‘I know what others are thinking’… This cognitive distortion language is the language of depression and anther task that the hero must overcome. Most of that type of cognitive distortion come from fear, most of which is ‘false evidence appearing real’. The danger is that when we fixate on these distortions and thoughts that we can create what we fear

The first thought that came to mind when I read you post was that here is a person with nothing to lose and having nothing to lose the opportunity to take a chance and surprise herself. Be the hero of your story.