Re… the other stuff.

I’m seeking the advice of a solicitor as soon as I can. There has been another row with my sister. This time I cannot ignore it as I would be failing in my duty as a Lasting Power of Attorney if I didn’t ask the questions. This time it was about money – again. Now that both herself and her husband have moved in with my mother, I asked if they were splitting the bills three ways now there were three of them living there. She instantly tried to justify why they are not paying much in the way of bills. It seems to me that they are taking advantage of my mother, who is a vulnerable adult. I can’t allow this to continue, so I’m seeking legal advice.

I’m thinking of rescinding my rights as power of attorney as I can’t see what use they are when she has full and complete control of my mothers finances and her health and welfare. This will mean I will have to walk away and go no contact. As my mother lives there, I will also not be able to ever see my mother again. It’s the cowards way out, I know I should fight for my mother’s rights. That’s not happening, and I cannot stand by and watch this happen. And having equal LPA rights also means that by not reporting my sister’s behaviour, I am condoning it and will eventually have to account for how I didn’t report it.

And it’s not just the financial side of things that isn’t right. my mother’s welfare is also a cause for concern for me. But she agrees with everything my sister says, and sister says she agrees so that’s that. As my mother can’t remember agreeing to anything or what the conversation was about even as little as five minutes ago, I very much doubt that she is consenting except that she has no other choice. Or thinks she doesn’t. Or is frightened of my sister’s rages if she doesn’t agree with her.

So I am being forced into taking some kind of action.

You asked if they deserved each other, my mum and my sister. A few years back I would have said yes. But all I see now is a little old lady of 89 years old been taken advantage of. Someone who cries a lot and is anxious most of the time. My mother is no longer capable of being nasty to me, she has forgotten how. How sad is that – the times we have got on have all been since she developed vasc. dementia and she is no longer capable of being nasty to me alongside my sister.

My grandmother brought both myself and my sister up most of the time. My mother always worked full time, although she didn’t have to. She didn’t want either of us, something she repeated over and over. She kept my sister close by her side though, when she wasn’t working. I distanced myself to get away from them both as I grew up. I feel that the only real love I ever got was from my grandmother. She was incredibly generous and alsways helping folk worse off than herself, although she didn’t have much in the way of material goods, she was always happy with her lot. She treated us both the same, but my sister resented the fact that she wasn’t the ‘queen bee’ at my grandmothers house.