When you communicate with your sister, why don’t you do with no pretense of Family, instead communicate with her in a business like manner, according to the advice of the solicitor, plan each interaction with her, plan what you will say, list the possibilities of what she will say or do in return, then plan how you will react, keeping it all business?

Good advice and I have tried, over and over to do this very thing. My sister doesn’t recognise anybody else’s rights, apart from her own. Unless you are agreeing with her. She decides everything.

She decided to move in. She decided to put our mother through all the stress of having a new kitchen built. She had decided how the finances should be. She decided on every little detail of my father’s funeral. She asks for my opinion on some things..  but if I have a different opinion to hers, then my opinion is totally disregarded. So I am included in arrangements, but only if I agree with everything she says, otherwise I am disregarded. Either ignored, or made to feel guilty in some way for even opening my mouth and speaking.

When I asked how they were arranging the money side of it now that there were three of them and the bills would triple in size, .. first she blustered and smoke screened, then she got angry and said it was none of my business, then she said she had asked mum how she wanted it and that our mother had started crying and become extremely anxious about it. One of the triggers for our mother’s dementia wobbles is talk of money, of bills, of debts. It fills her with great anxiety.

Of course it was all my fault my mother was now anxious and crying…  Except I wasn’t there. I was communicating by text message. This happens every single time I call her motives into question. If I remove myself, then she will no longer be able to do this to my mother, or at least not because of something I’ve said.

This is all so hard. Thank you for your kindness and patience … and your time in trying to help.

Jay.