Hi Anita,

Yes there are covert and overt narcissist. I do believe in it just because I have been on Quora and spoke to so many women who dealth with the exact same thing I did. Ok so here is a list of the criteria, but first let me say that yes he was good to me for years at least that is what I thought. But I see now everything he did secured me to stay with him. I hate to look at it like that but it seems that way. Here is a list..

Every time we fought it turned out it was my fault. For years I was confused because I thought I was being the best women I could be and it seemed like nothing I could do was right. ( I now realize he used subtle ways of convincing me of doubting my own judgement.)

He never gave me any space but somehow convinced me I was the clingy one who never gave him space. When I look back there were times he frustrated me and I would say please just give me some time and he would pick at me until I exploded. I now see that he purposely wanted me to explode so that the initial crime he committed was forgotten, now we could focus on my anger instead of him taking accountability.

I couldn’t say no to him or his family. I mean yes I could, but not without being guilted into feeling bad for doing something for myself.

Him and his family were amazing to me in the beginning, I thought I found a golden family. As soon as I started to enforce boundaries I seen the masks falling. I seen them isolate me. I seen them talk behind my back. I am no angel but I did not deserve any of this yet he convinced me I was.

He started telling people I was mentally unstable and I was but because he was driving me to it. Do not get me wrong I have my own problems and wounds as you know but he confused me to the point I did not trust myself. I couldn’t even make decisions. on my own for the simplest thing. Now being away from him the freedom I have to choose for myself feels so good and guilt free.

I found out in the end he was speaking on chat lines to over 50 women. And was meeting up with an ex when he was “supposedly” at work. When I caught him he said he had an addiction to being validated. He said he didn’t know what wrong with him. That he needs attention. And that is one thing I believe. I don’t think he truly was aware of his behaviors. It’s his way of survival. And this in case you are wondering is why I still miss him. I seen him at his best and worst. I miss his best and feel terrible that he feels he needs this constant validation because he feels so low. But I do understand it is not my place to fix him. That is progress for me because I have always felt like I can fix people.

There is more but cannot think of it now.

The man is on a rampage now. Women have contacted me on social media asking if we were together because they feel he is lying to them. Multiple women and he is pathologically lying to them as well now. I feel bad for him some days on the days I don’t hate him for how he betrayed me.

That is another thing, I found out he was lying to me about everything, including work!! His business. Lord only knows how he was paying our bills.

Oh God, it makes me sick writing this stuff. How could I miss this man? But again how does one simply let go of someone they once loved and gave their heart, body and soul too?? It seems so normal but I am such a lover and believed in the fairy tale.