I needed a clean/safe place for my daughter (we have a nice house now) in a fabulous neighborhood and he has a few sketchy neighbors that he hates and frankly I’m not sure I want to live next to them. The reason we would move there is because he owns his house outright (no mortgage) so it would allow us to travel/save for retirement etc. That being said, he’s been putting pressure on us to move in and constantly talks about proposing.
Hello Christine,
Just these words you say above are enough of a reason not to go there.
Your house is good for both you and your daughter. It’s not mortgage free, but you work hard to pay your way for yourself and your daughter. It’s clean, it’s safe and a good wider environment for your daughter to grow up in.
It seems your alternative is to live with a man who doesn’t know the first thing about cleanliness, either of himself or his surroundings, and would be a bad influence on a growing child for a number of reasons. You and your daughter are worth more than that, surely?
Your post above is telling me that you feel really unsure about this move. Which doesn’t seem to be happening anyway and probably never will, because your boyfriend is either unable or maybe unwilling to sort out himself or his house.
How would you feel about him selling up his house and moving into your house?
Do you think that, if eventually he got his house and himself into some kind of order that it would last? That everything would be fine and continue to be?
I think him “ghosting me” is really him saying- I’m not worthy of you and you deserve better. We simply can’t connect on a deeper level if he is in a deep dark place.
Whether this is true or not, I feel that 2 years of waiting for him to sort himself out is enough. You know what he is like and, unfortunately, it sounds as though he is incapable of change. Being an Empath, it’s like a second nature for you to want to try and fix things for him. I agree with Mark above on people changing.
Unfortunately, there does have to come a time, when you must give up trying to fix something that can’t be fixed – not by yourself, anyway. Put yourself and your daughter first.
With best wishes,
Jay
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