Dear Christina,

It sounds like you have a somewhat antagonistic relationship with your boyfriend.

You two decided to date a half year after the cheating scandal yet it seems that whatever happened between your boyfriend and his ex, you still don’t feel secure in knowing whether your boyfriend has been able to lay down his resentment. It might be that when talking about your two past, he shows such intense emotion that you wonder if he has even moved on. Or that sometimes it seems that he might not be thinking about you, but someone else when you’re together. Or that he still remember some details about his scar.

So you discussed your pasts, wanting to know yet only coming out of it full of insecurity. What was the point of that exercise? You’ve already heard of what had happened, so hearing it from him once would have been enough, so why did you or him keep bringing it up? What was the point in going over what happened only to be sore from the sordid details? Why did you keep bringing it up to hurt him? Or was it something about his actions or words that poked a hole in your confidence that he does hold affection for you? Yet why does it make you jealous that he has not moved on from his scar? Scars scabbed over when left alone to heal so what was the point in bringing it up again and again? What was it about his past relationship or his ex that terrifies you so much? To not trust his words mean you doubt him, but for what reason? Or do you doubt yourself so much that you question his affection for you, even at the beginning? But then, when will it ever be enough for you to finally let your doubts rest?

Be careful about putting your boyfriend on a pedestal. “He” might seem to be different from other people you’ve met, but how many people have you met exactly? There are more than 7 billion people in the world, can you say that you know intimate details of even 1/1000000 of one billion? So he might seem like a decent person, but don’t put every hope into this one relationship where it’s make it or break it. There is no telling whether in the future you might meet someone else who makes your heart throb, but the timing was simply late. You simply know this person before any other person who might be compatible with you. So don’t put him on a pedestal. Don’t try to be the perfect girlfriend. Don’t hold accountable every one of your actions just because you want this relationship to work. A relationship is made of two parts, you can’t be the only one holding up the whole thing.

So the passion has died away. Then start a new one. Passion was never meant to last, it was only meant to be a spark for a fire to be lighted, but fire can’t keep going without oxygen. Now that it has snuff out, build a new fire.