Dear B:

I will summarize your story from your two threads and then ask you if I summarized it accurately. Following your response, I would like to reply further.

Your story: your father left your childhood home when you were one but visited you and your mother there regularly on weekends. You have a vivid memory of him intoxicated and becoming violent and aggressive with your mother when you were six or seven.

Sometime later your mother married another man, “this horrible guy (who) actually hated me… He would often leave my mum for periods at a time, leaving my mom devastated. Me and my mum’s husband would often clash as I would stick up for mum”.

When you turned 18 you met a 21 year old man and figured “it was the perfect excuse to leave”, and you left and moved in to the home of your 21 year old boyfriend’s parents. You lived there for a year, during which time he was violent and controlling (you didn’t specify in what ways). You didn’t tell your mother about it because she was divorcing her husband and you didn’t want to burden her with your troubles, “I didn’t want to put anymore pressure, hurt or shame onto her. I kept it to myself. I could see she was already broken”.

At some point you saw a therapist who did not meet your boyfriend, did not interview him, asking him questions and so forth, but she diagnosed him nonetheless as a Narcissist. You looked online and figured he is a Narcissist, and therefore you refer to him as “a narc”.

When you were about 19, you left the home of your boyfriend’s parents and moved to your own apartment in the city center. Next you allowed your boyfriend to move in with you, paying the bills yourself. Some time later he was no longer living with you and he got a new girlfriend but the two of you kept seeing each other intimately from time to time.

Most recently (you are now 24), he and his mother approached you, he (unemployed and making money as “a scum bag”), told you that his girlfriend has mental health issues and his mother asked you to cause her son to leave his girlfriend. Your response, five days ago, was to “let him in with open arms, advising him, encouraging him to amend to make things better for himself etc.”

Is my summary accurate?

anita