Joan,

It sounds like your self worth, your happiness, and the meaning of your life depends on other people’s happiness and taking care of them.

Here is a list of signs of a codependent relationship:

1. Does your sense of purpose involve making extreme sacrifices to satisfy your partner’s needs?
2. Is it difficult to say no when your partner makes demands on your time and energy?
3. You’re in a caretaking and (or) rescuing relationship with a person who uses you to avoid age-appropriate responsibilities, or the hard work of personal change.
4. Do you constantly worry about others’ opinions of you?
5. Your efforts to fix a troubled, addicted or under-functioning person have fostered dependence on you, rather than on their life progress.
6. Do you use those efforts to avoid responsibility, avoid their life progress and personal change?
7. Are you unable to find satisfaction in your life outside of a specific person?

Does that resonate?

Check out codependency resources like Co-Dependence Anonymous (CoDA), Codependency for Dummies book or other many, many books on the subject, or a therapist.

Mark