Dear lisa:

You are welcome. If you tell a man you recently met “I’m pretty independent” or “I don’t want to feel smothered”, these are vague statements, definitely not specific enough. You can therefore say, for example: I’m pretty independent, I like working and managing my money. If I live with a man, I intend to continue to work and keep my finances separate from the man. We will figure out ahead of time who pays for what, before we move in, so finances will be clearly independently managed, no confusion.

Or you can say something like: I don’t want to feel smothered. If I live with a man and I tell the man: I need some alone time, I will need the man to not be offended, to not ask me why I need alone time, to not keep talking to me, but respect what I need and go about his business without talking to me.

anita