Michelle – I most definitely will enjoy the book!

The whole honesty part of your recent post really hit home for me. In all honesty, he is a drain on me, my energy, my healing, my moving forward etc. He is and I am becoming more and more aware of that… But I do think that the trauma we experienced has somehow tangled us both into this not ideal and yet extremely difficult situation of we need to be around to help because we are the only two individuals on the planet who really understand, that + the love that we shared and I suppose still share calls for an extremely difficult situation emotionally – I guess I am not strong enough to walk away?

I do also think that although things aren’t perfect with him, there are good times and that in this whole post trauma identity building again, and therapy and my living situation and everything else, he is the only thing that has remained from my old life and I find that I am grateful for that security blanket.. Honestly, I think you’re right, he is a drain and I probably know it isn’t going to last, but PTSD is so bloody complex I cannot understand why/how/what for I do things half of the time and at the moment having him just being around is some kind of comfort for me…

I’ve taken your advice and told him this morning that I found a property with a May move in and would he like to go view it? I said it’s only a few weeks off of June and it’s a nice place (I haven’t found anything yet haha so now I must look) and he said yes he wants to go view it… so let’s see… I’m gonna push quite a lot for the viewings now in the next few weeks and see if he comes up with any excuses as to not putting down deposits etc.. I suppose words and time won’t do it here, you’re right, I need to put him in situations where his actions can show BEFORE June, before I am homeless..

That way I will also have time to sort myself out SHOULD he bail.

Like you say, head out the sand and time to deal with this one! Thank you for the pep talk!

Shelby – I hope all is well? How is your weekend going?