Dear lisa:

“when I was a child, I was a ‘daddy’s girl’, and I thought he was the greatest dad ever, and we (dad and I) thought my mom was dumb and too strict… He was a surgeon, and the household had to tip  toe around dad… She was fearful and anxious”.

As a young child, the “we” was you and your father, not you and your mother. Understandably, you identified with your father, with the strong one, the one in control. You didn’t want to be the weak  one, that one who is controlled.

You didn’t want to be the “fearful and anxious” party to a relationship, the one who is called names, the one who is being yelled at and talked to disrespectfully. So you lived your life being in control. I think that this is why you have such a difficulty committing to dates on weekdays when your free/after work time is limited. You don’t want another person to control your time when it is limited.

What I understand better now, following your most recent post, is that it is not only that you didn’t want to be like your mother, but that you wanted to be like your father, in control, strong.

What do you think?

anita