Yes, I idolized my father when I was a kid.  I wanted his love and attention.  As far a being in control, I’ve always seen to it that I’m in control.  With my friends, I’m the driver, and I usually take the lead in making the arrangements.  I’m a planner, and have always assumed that I will be on my own.

In my most recent relationship, I was able to go with the flow, and get out of my routine and comfort zone.  This always increased my anxiety.  As time went on, and I realized I enjoyed the concerts, travel, gifts etc…more than I liked my boyfriend. I became less willing to stretch my limits.  He was frustrated, and wanted more time together, and I mainly wanted weekend dates.  I know this doesn’t sound very kind of me, but I enjoyed the attention, companionship, a being a part of a family (his kids and family).

I feel very alone much of the time.