Morning all.

So, loving Vietnam….food is way too good and had my cheapest beer ever yesterday ( on tall chairs you’ll be glad to hear…! )  – 24p/pint equiv! Mad.  It’s a beautiful place, set on a river, rice-fields all around, stunning sunlight and then full of Asia crazy – though coming from Cambodia it actually seems calmer to me.  But there’s plenty of wide-eyed scared looking tourists, especially when faced with crossing a road which is a new skill we’ve learned where you don’t actually wait for gap but just move slowly and steadily across and let it flow round you!  And if anyone ever wants to get some practice in self-assertiveness to say ‘No’, this is your place!

Shelby, great to hear back from you. So are you guys back together again romantically, did I get that right?  I hope it is bringing you what you wanted if so.  One thought for you – did you consider saying no to the extra night when he said he was then available?  It just seems at times that it is his life that determines when/if you will see each other, i.e. when his family/work/another are not demanding him, then you can have Shelby-time. It would perhaps be better for your own self-esteem to not always be instantly available just because he is.  After all, it is not like you don’t have plenty of other things like your coursework and visiting your friend that you wanted to get done, i.e. priorities for your own wider life.  I’m not into playing games at all so this isn’t about getting him to chase you by not always being so available – it just occurred to me that it would be one way to be different this time around , to not become so dependent on this relationship again and maintain your own life, see friends etc. Plus, then, if it doesn’t work out how you want it to – you are not so back at square one either. Worth thinking about.

Kkasxo – glad the image made you smile, I did likewise giggle at the uncooked chicken description 🙂  but sorry to hear it’s been a tougher week on the PTSD front.  From what I understand of it, the only way through is to work on loosening the strength of the emotions by facing them at a pace you are comfortable with, something I trust your therapist is helping with. But it is not surprising that they are stronger as you find yourself in decreasing security with your family moving on and needing to move homes – both events that would unsettle people themselves. I’d try to come up with a healthy routine ( all the ‘boring’ stuff, sleep, exercise, walks in nature, limited alcohol etc ) and embed it so strongly so that you can keep that going whilst everything changes, to help your brain feel safe as it can. And as ever – less thinking about the future and just stick to the one thing at a time.  Often it’s the strongest people who get hit hardest as they’ve never had to deal with a situation they couldn’t control/manage. You sound like you are in a classic case of withdrawing from the world to try to find a safe corner to hide, to be safe, and perhaps to avoid dealing with what at some point must be dealt with to get past this. I don’t have anything in the same league of depth of feeling but I do understand the stuck feeling – for me it’s always been when I have to make a decision and whilst I am to/fro-ing and trying to logically work out the pros/cons etc it’s horrible – eventually though it becomes clear that there is a choice which just feels ‘right’ but it’s usually whichever one I’m most scared of. Then I screw up my courage, make my decision, go for it and magically all the stress and stuckness clears and I’m moving forwards again. Hopefully as your living situation becomes clearer the PTSD will lessen again and it will be easier to deal with it. I won’t say you can have the old Kkasxo back as I don’t think you can go backwards – but I do totally believe you can get past this by working through it as/when the time is right and become a new/improved/even better Kkasxo. Hope this forum helps in the meantime – you have a safe place here, you know that.