Dear Cali Chica:

“anger is a wasted emotion”- well, it is an emotion that we can’t eliminate, impossible to do.

And we can’t eliminate the instant, automatic reactions to the feeling of anger: our voices go up just a bit, the tone a bit severe, our facial muscles tightening and the expression on our faces somewhat angry.

Thing is to notice these and be okay with them because … well, they are natural. But once we notice, in most circumstance, contain these reactions, don’t escalate them: lower the voice, soften its severity, relax the face and body, choose the words being said. Do this with children and with everyone else.

After all, the child herself (or himself)needs to know that it is okay when she feels angry and when her voice gets a bit louder and more severe and that her muscles tighten, that she is not a bad little person for feeling and automatically reacting in these natural ways.

And then, the child needs to learn by example and instruction, to notice and contain these reactions according to context, to never escalate these reaction to abuse of another.

anita