Can you give me an example of what you said to a person just before that person told you that you are condescending, and what you said to the person after hearing the condescending comment?

Some background. I know (for a whole lot of reasons) that I need to be more sociable, make the first move, show interest in others. So, there’s a guy in a club I belong to. He and I seem to share an interest in coaching in the business environment. He joined the club, more recently, so I took the time to welcome him, get to know a bit about his background etc. I travel a lot but this weekend I was going to be in his city. So I sent him a message saying that I would only be in town for the weekend, would he like to grab a cup of coffee with me.

His response: “Thank you for the invitation Ashley, but I’m going to politely decline“.

I was a bit put out about this rejection, so I asked another member of the club for her reaction. She says he’s probably wary of me because I’m condescending. I asked for a specific example of a behaviour that demonstrated condescension and she was unable to point something concrete out to me. The fall back is “well you know the way you talk about your education, your career, your international experience and the like”.

That’s why I’m battling to understand if it’s me or them?