Dear anita,

yes, it sounds very similar to my experience. I think we didn’t learn those things in our childhood, so we had to make those bad experiences and learn it the hard way. But the good thing is, we can seek help and get better. Best we can do is to be patient and compassionate with ourselves. You seem to have come so far on your healing path and are now able to help others. Your advice was very helpful to me. Others would have judged me. And I also judged myself the harshest (still do often, sadly).

I don’t want to give people the opportunity to take advantage of me anymore. So I want to take things a lot slower, when meeting new people.

And about hurting others: I think if we get hurt ourselves, it will not become a healthy relationship. It should be balanced, I think. Even if your partner was the nicest person in the world, it is o.K. to say no to them or say goodbye to them. In theory, I know a lot of things…

With a person who might not be trustworthy, it is even more important to establish boundaries. Because then they will not be able to take advantage of you. In my last coversations with K. I was able to set better boundaries and so things went better for me. I feel better about myself, better than I would have felt if I would have caved to his wish for him to sleep over.

My feelings do matter, I think I have learned that now. Sometimes I wanted to help people, when I didn’t really have time or was overwhelmed myself. And then I said yes to things I didn’t want to do. I tried to help, but my heart wasn’t truly in it. So in the end it became a negative experience for both people. Better only say yes when I truly feel good about something. And it’s o.K. to say no. I am hoping to live more by these resolutions, but it will probably take some time to put them into practice and I will likely make some mistakes along the way.