Hi M,

Are you sure it is shame? I usually feel regret. And it seems to be the case for you too – as you’ve described it – I feel as I have exposed my core somehow and that people will judge me – you regret because you feel it might disrupt your dynamic with them. By shifting from who you usually are, you worry that they might discover something they don’t like.

It is not unreasonable to express what you need. Any relationship that experiences strain when you express yourself needs strengthening or needs to be left behind, by which i mean if other people are truly bothered by you expressing yourself reasonably, they are going to hold you prisoner of their feelings, and you feel stifled. And mostly importantly don’t imprison your own freedom of expression in exchange for being liked or not being judged.

Also who cares if someone judges you. Anyone that does not truly suffer consequences of your actions does not get to dictate how you act and they should not be given that power. There will always be someome displeased with you, you just live your life the way you want to.

To overcome guilt, shame or regret – firstly be ok with someone not liking you. And second, do it often enough so your mind gets used to it and realizes oh this person will not stop, i might as well join their team and empower them. Right now your mind is in a state of submissiveness, in this state naturally assertiveness feels uncomfortable. Slowly ease yourself into it, and accept the discomfort, one of the greatest feelings you can experience is when you speak up for yourself and become your biggest ally.

gj