Dear Chelsea:

He said the following things: asked you to be his girlfriend,  told you that he was very attracted to you, that he couldn’t date you because you live too far away, that he will see you again soon-ish, that he doesn’t care if you date other people, that he liked you, that the girl’s razor in his bathroom was his ex’s, that he’d like to just be friends.

He did the following things: browsed OkCupid at dinner, had sex with you, met up once a month and had sex during the summer, and he stopped replying to your texts.

“I’m getting mixed signals and don’t know what to do. Suggestions?” you asked.

What I see is a man who was motivated all along to have sex with you. He asked you to be his girlfriend because he wanted you to be okay with having sex with him. He was attracted to you, like he said, this is why he wanted to have sex with you. But he probably was attracted to other women as well and was looking to have sex with other women as well (OkCupid). Lately his motivation to have sex with you is gone and this is why he didn’t reply to your texts. Probably he has other options. If he finds himself without another option, that is another woman willing to have sex with him, he is likely to contact you again. He will likely say things to you to make you say okay to him again.

I suggest you don’t respond to him if he does contact you and that you no longer contact him. In the future, meet a man so to get to  know him while not having sex with him. If he asks you to be his girlfriend, don’t have sex with him immediately because he may ask that so to have sex with you, just like this man did. Date a man with no sex, see to it that he is interested in getting to know your mind and heart, not just your body.

“Feeling Used” is painful. I know the feeling and I am sorry for your experience. But if you learn from it, you can prevent this from happening again.

anita