Thank you Anita for the response. Another thing that I didn’t notice before, not only my aunt being abusive and cruel, my big brother is more physically abusive than her. They were always corporate when “torturing” me in the past, and my mom just watched it. Sadly, even though my big brother already married, he always visit mom everyday ,every single day, my mom spoiled him more than the other kids since long ago, and seeing him everyday gives me goosebumps.

About how my mom treats me now, she keeps silent most of the time. Because If we start a conversation about myself, she knows that, mostly, I will runaway. She’s a two-faced person, my neighbors knew that. And she’s still connected with that witch (my aunt), she even bought my mom a smartphone so they can do videocall. Sometimes I heard them gossiped me, and always laughed about it. Being gossiped by own mother, I don’t know what this feeling about.

As you said, I’ve been discovered that mindfulness didn’t help me out of this feeling and situation. But at least, my self awareness increased a bit, maybe I should learn more about how to increase it more. And now I started to learn about resilience.

Thanks.