Dear Cali Chica:

“reasonable analysis of the reality of the situation, and a reasonable view of yourself and the other party. It is maintaining myself as a good, calm person. Not a hateful one”- yes. I would add in regard to your example, the friend who visited you and “who shows up, stays over, leaves a mess and is off on his day”, that you tell him to clean up his mess before he leaves (in a future visit), tell him that you need him to do this and that (collect bedsheets, for example, and place them in the washing machine).

Instructing him to become a considerate, responsible guest will be one of the changes that can be done in the win-win context- it will make you feel better and it will make him feel better to have the opportunity to become a better person/ guest.

anita