Dear faber castell:

You are welcome. Your recent post is not very clear to me so I will write to you what I think I understood:

1. You saw therapists who dismissed or minimized your feelings and experiences in life by saying things like “don’t victimize yourself”. They discouraged you from valuing yourself, speaking up and recognizing unfair treatment.

2. You believe (and I agree) that “people sometimes are really not compassionate, not respectful” and “some people think differently”- (do you mean that you have met people who believe that all people are compassionate and respectful?)

3. Regarding your anger: you wrote that your first boyfriend told you that you have “a strong temper and personality” and he shamed you for being angry. I didn’t understand: did he shame you for feeling angry or for acting angry, and if he shamed you for acting angry, what acts were those (ex. yelling, slamming doors, calling names, breaking things)?

You wrote: “I grew ashamed of being angry.. many people dislike very much any expression of the so-called ‘negative’ emotions”- again, I am wondering, what were your expressions of anger?

Anger is a very problematic emotion for most people. We all feel anger, it is natural, not a matter or choice and we are not bad people for feeling anger, not at all. When we feel angry, automatically our muscles tighten, including our facial muscles and the tone of your voice becomes stronger, a bit louder. We can’t control these reactions as well. But we can choose to contain them, to not escalate to abusive expressions against others.

4. “I .. feel powerless, impotent with what I’ve seen in humanity in recent years”- I wish you can elaborate on it. I would like to read more what you have seen in humanity in recent years.

anita