Hi Shelby,

Its interesting that you ask, I don’t think I love mr asshole now.. It isn’t someone I can picture a future with.I love my ex who was so far from mr asshole, he was mr amazing guy! And I think I’m having a hard time differentiating between the two because obviously when I see him I still see my wonderful guy but then on an everyday basis it just doesn’t seem he is that anymore. It goes back to me thinking about the ‘mask’ but like Michelle said it’s just impossible to keep up such a facade for so many years. So then it leads me to believe, has the trauma really just messed him up and he has changed? Because I know I have, it’s so evident, so it is possible. Who knows eh.

I wanted a future with mr amazing guy, not who he is today and I guess I am just hopeful that this is just a rough patch now and it’ll pass and he’ll return to his normal, kind, caring, considerate and loving state.

It really does sound like you have a lot on the next few days! Perhaps good in a sense as it will pass your time but be sure not to overwork yourself either. As you said, you’re full on body tired now so be kind to yourself and make sure once the week is over you give yourself the rest that you deserve.

I understand the confusion of the not quite boyfriend but not a stranger either. Remember back in October/November I was in that situation with mr asshole as we were trying to figure out whether we should reconcile or not. Its horrible as you don’t really know what’s the right way to behave! Hopefully it doesn’t last too long! It’s funny actually because all these months later I still refer to him as my ex, yet he would probably say that we have been back together the last few months! He’s definitely made more of a point of uploading me back on social media, meet ups with friends and family etc whilst I’m very private. No one would probably guess that we are speaking again! Except for my friends who sort of know we are on and off at the moment.

Do you think it’s too soon to have The conversation with him? A real and raw conversation about both of your expectations of whatever this is going forward?