Dear J:

About a year ago you ended an abusive relationship and decided that you weren’t “ready for another relationship”, but you needed another relationship. It often is the case that we are not ready for something but need it anyway.

You met a man who wanted something casual, aka sex, I suppose and you are now in a “friends with benefits relationship” without the friends part (“hardly even friends”). So it is a “benefits relationship” only. Here is your benefit: “the hookups are enjoyable”.

But the joy doesn’t last between the hookups, being terrified (“I’m terrified he will just leave forever as soon as the sex stops”)  is not joyful. I think you are stuck because you are afraid that ending this relationship will wrench your heart out, like you stated yourself.

“It all sounds so silly”- not  to me. Fear is not silly, in my mind. It is a powerful emotion.

Why don’t you talk to him, share with him what you shared here, or did you?

anita