Hi both,

Thank you for your kind replies!

Gj, It might be a mix of both shame and regret. I agree that I feel like I am stepping outside the roll prescribed for me when I express my needs- who am I to speak up? is what my brain says. I wish I could accept a more assertive me. Thanks thou, for validating that my needs are important.

Inky, I can read your words and realize that in an ideal world that is how I would like to feel. It is difficult for me to internalize them however, or think or feel that way. The thing is, I know I’m on to a good thing with both my job and my relationship so I do not want to lose them and want to thrive in both, but my fear of rocking the boat, and having others notice me or my needs, or not be receptive to what I have to say makes me stay silent and then second guess and doubt my own concerns until I feel like I’m imagining things, (I basically gas light myself) , and then I cant raise issues with any conviction or confidence. I don’t really know how to stop doing this, or getting to the place of feeling like I believe the things you have said. Thank you for saying them anyway <3.

M