First, apologies for not being in contact (I’m managing yet another relocation to another city/province).

What I’ve noticed is that many of the members make judgements about me, without even having had a conversation with me.

I’ve discussed this with the club president and he says that when he first met me both he and his wife thought I was condescending but “as we got to know you better we appreciated the person you are more and more“. Yes, first impressions are lasting ones, but being judgemental is probably just as bad (if not worse than) being condescending.

I am not sure how you know how the members judge you without talking with them.

I joined this society primarily to make new friends and yet every time I reach out to someone I sense a reluctance (or blatant) to get to know me better.

My take is when I think or feel a person is condescending is when they talk about themselves without expressing any interest in me; when they talk about how great they are (accomplishments, skills, talents, experience, etc.) when it has nothing to do with the topic at hand or if they do, there is no humility; when they try to one-up me when I talk about myself; when I feel that they are not really listening to me and more focused on how they can start talking about themselves instead.

So, curious – in my view, a good intellectual argument should stand on it’s own merit, without needing to be backed by stating your credentials to be able to make such a case.

Look the truth is that I AM superior to them in a number of ways (I’m better educated, more worldly traveled, more experienced with current affairs, more financially stable). However, while I don’t think that makes me a superior/better person, those elements of my personality do come across when a discussion occurs.

I’m not one to say “Look because I have a Ph.D. I’m right” but I will call upon greater life experience in an area that answers an issue in a perspective they’ve not thought about.

Though for someone as allegedly confident and secure as yourself, it is unusual to be upset by such comments as these. Is it the rejection from this guy specifically, who you had from your perspective invested time and effort in and hence surprised it was not reciprocated – or a feeling you are not really accepted in the wider club?

No, I’m not “upset” by comments. I know that people will always judge me and their judgments of me (if negative) really don’t bother me. But I’m getting older and I’m really thinking about whether I will (ever) find “my tribe”.

I would suspect it’s related to “I know (for a whole lot of reasons) that I need to be more sociable, make the first move, show interest in others“. That would be a good place to start, what are the ‘whole lot of reasons’?

One of the common features (and this is often hidden from people at first and normally only revealed when some kind of trust is formed) of highly successful people is that we often have had to endure incredible personal hardship. For me, it was (among others) being raised by a mother who is mentally unstable (she has an obsessive-compulsive personality disorder) this means I had a childhood bereft of emotional abuse, which I had to work through in therapy. From this experience I an avoidant attachment style, where I am afraid to let people close to me.  With this awareness, I know that I need to take the initiative in initiating relationships.