Hey Shelby,

Yup, I was really pretty bad too but had like zero idea at the time that it could be different. Very insecure and limited perspective/experiences partnered up with a confusing desire to want to explore, to want to know more although everyone around me then was content not to do so.  About a year after my traumatic break-up I realised I was starting to sabotage a new relationship that had huge potential with the same old behaviours –  I can remember very very clearly the day I decided I didn’t want to be this person anymore as I could see where it headed and the pattern of my life if I didn’t change.

And so began the long learning curve, the reading, the talking, opening up to adapting my way of seeing the world, seeing it truly as best as I could.  Building my own self-confidence, my own values & desires, not just taking others handed down by either family, society or media.   So yes, now I’m very much a secure attachment type as well as a million times more self-confidence and assertive, things I had always struggled with.  Though much rarer these days I still have some triggers but I recognise them and can identify them for what they are, unfounded fears/doubts about myself and I’m able to deal with them myself, without needing to ask for re-assurance.  Even if sometimes that means stomping off for walk to clear my head before dealing with whatever it was that sparked me!  Honestly, it’s like night/day, the difference. Long journey, don’t think it ever ends once you open your eyes but the enlightenment becomes compelling – I think it’s why I travel so much now, more perspectives to be gathered for me yet.

Funnily enough, I’m wary of offering advice, I’ve mentored some people who have hung on my every word and I’ve had to always make it clear to them that that is just not helpful or healthy either. No-one else has the answers for you. I get why you are wary too. Especially as one of your triggers is change, and this is going to smell rather badly of that to your self-protective voice… No need to change unless or until you want to though, reading and learning about the options, the different ways of being & seeing, consider for yourself, see what feels right to you. I hope it goes well with your therapist tomorrow, look forwards to hearing whatever you want to share.

Btw – be warned……those house-sit sites can be very addictive…..!!