Dear bell:

You wrote: “My childhood background was not traumatic”, but when your mother “kept threatening to kill herself” when you were a child, that is traumatic. My mother threatened to kill herself and it definitely traumatized me. I don’t believe any child can witness her mother threatening suicide and not be very, very scared. And when the threats repeat themselves, and no one to comfort the child, this is definitely traumatic for any child.

Considering this trauma as well as other emotional injuries such as mother “went to my high school and shouted and slapped me in front of everyone”, no wonder you have a lot of challenges now, in your young adulthood.

Reads like the relationship with your co worker has indeed ended and should remain in the past. I wish you were able to attend quality psychotherapy- are you sure none is available to you, a sliding scale therapy perhaps, maybe even free therapy somehow?

anita