Dear Cali Chica:

What I learned about your mother this morning: she claimed that she was happy when with company, not being alone, but it isn’t true:

-she was unhappy about your father spending too much time in the house with her and wanted him gone quickly in the mornings, be out of the house: “he likes to watch the news while he drinks his coffee before work, sometimes my mom gets mad at how long my dad takes to get ready in the morning.. she talks about how he is so slow and he watches tv in the morning”.

-she was unhappy about you (and your sister) spending too much time in the house, this is why she encouraged you to go  to other people’s homes, to play with your friends in other people’s homes, and why she wanted schools to shorten summer vacations, so that you spend less time with her at  home: “my mom gets happy when I  make plans to go to people’s houses. Or.. make sure that all  of us hang out at my friends house.. instead of burdening her with everyone over our house… She is happy when I have plans to occupy myself. She worries a lot that during summer vacation, it is so long, and I will get very lonely… So if I have good plans with friends during that time she is happy”.

Notice this: she told you that her worry about the summer vacation being too long was that you, CC, “will get too lonely”, but that was a lie. The truth is that she wanted to be alone, without you and your sister in the house, during much of the summer vacation.

“Sometimes I feel bad that my mom had to send me to camp  one summer, because she didn’t know what I would do at home all summer- that I would get bored and lonely. She says how the camp was such a great one… because I had company and went everyday”- that was a lie. She wanted you in the camp not so that you will not be lonely, but because she didn’t want you in the house.

“she says that I .. am loud and talkative at home.. I act bad at home and cry and complain”- she didn’t enjoy your company, she didn’t want you at home. She wanted to be alone.

“My mom is so sick of my dad having a temper problem… she says she is the most unlucky woman because she has a husband like him.. a good job, but no personality.. ‘women need some things from a man’ and he can’t even do that”- she didn’t want him in the house.

“my cousins and aunts and uncles are bad to us- they are mean and put my mom and dad down”- she didn’t enjoy their company either.

Sometimes she liked your company: “I know my mom likes it when I am home too, because I give her company, we talk, and I sit with her when she is in the kitchen”- there were times when she liked your company.

“Sometimes she is happy when my good friends come over, because it makes the atmosphere more lively”- but most often she wants you, your sister, your friends, her husband.. out of the house!

“there is this saying she always says about me- like something like ‘I bring life and laughter into the house’. That without me- the house is quiet and cold, but when I am there, ‘it is full of life’ that I bring the ‘good energy'”- sometimes, but most of the times, she thinks you are “loud and talkative… I act bad at home and cry and complain”.

“sometimes my mom gets so mad and wants everyone to be quiet so she can be alone. but she hates being alone, as her biggest enemy is loneliness”- I think that often she wants to be alone and that her biggest perceived enemy is … other people, your father, her daughters, her extended family, strangers, anyone and everyone:

“She would exclaim the other party was fake and not caring. They do not have a clean heart…that mother (your friend’s mother) doesn’t have to do any work.. American people have dirty houses and don’t clean them…all she (your aunt) knows how to do all day- just cook cook cook… she was proud that I saw that my aunt is bad… all they (your father’s patients and others) do is act mean to us… they have jealousy and they may try to ruin things… Our family, we talk about this at dinner a lot. About our family and how bad they are…my cousins and aunts and uncles are bad to us- they are mean… they are not good people… my dad’s partner has jealousy of my dad.. he is cunning and makes my dad work more than he does”.

“they are not good people”- in her mind,  no one is good people. No one is good, not even you. Notice this, you wrote: “sometimes at home my dad gets a bad temper when I complain- if he comes home and my mom is upset with me he gets a bad temper”-

-did you notice in this sentence that your mother was angry at you before your father came home?

(And didn’t she tell you, was it last time you talked to her, that she wished you weren’t born?)

No  one is good except for herself, in her own mind.

You wrote that you thought that your mother “feels more than the average person, cares more, loves more”- she hates more. “I have a clean heart”, she said many times. No, she has a hateful heart. She doesn’t only hate the individuals that did hurt her before, she hates everyone forevermore.

She hates everyone and she lies a lot. She lies a whole lot.

There is more but enough for now. Take your time.

anita