Dear Cali Chica:

“she only knows a false world that was skewed and biased”—

“why I focus outward… quickly go elsewhere. Go  quick and find”- is it possible that your mother wanted you to go out so that she will be alone, not burdened with your company (see my post above), is it possible that she pressured you to go elsewhere, saying that you should make friends, not be lonely but really, she just wanted to be alone?

And this is why you feel pressure to “seek, go elsewhere” ever since?

“The thing is, she hated to be alone”- maybe as a child she hated to be alone, but from your descriptions she preferred to be alone much of the time, not all of the time

“she hated to be alone”- can you imagine that this in itself can be a lie???

anita