Dear Jess:

You wrote: “I think you pointing out that I would be looked at as a woman and not a baby has helped me to see that this is where the care will come from”-

– excellent conclusion. What you demanded from your ex boyfriend was that he treats you as if you were a child and he was your substitute parent. Your parents were away from home and you demanded that he stays the night with you, a substitute for your absent parents. But as an adult, you should be okay with spending the night alone, if you live in a reasonably safe house and neighborhood.

No wonder he got frustrated, he didn’t want to be a babysitter/substitute parent, babysitting you and driving you around for errands like parents do, driving their children to school and then to after school activities.

Biologically and legally you are an adult, a woman, 21. When men see you, they see a woman, they see the body of a woman. And if they find you attractive, they will feel sexually attracted to you and they will be interested in .. well, satisfying their sexual desires. To live a functional life, a life that considers reality as it is, you have to see yourself as they see you- a woman.

You have a child like side to you, you wrote in your original post, you “love to have fun, dress up, watch kid movies” etc. That is fine, keep that child like side. As a matter of fact, none of us lose that child that we were, and if you pay attention you will see old people behaving like happy children, at times, when they are relaxed and in company.

Keep your child side because it is not going anywhere but develop your adult side, become the woman you already are. When you are ready for a boyfriend, not a substitute parent, then attempt a romantic relationship. Together with a future boyfriend, the two of you should have fun, like children, but each one of you should individually take care of the business of adult living, such as spending night alone and using pubic transportation.

anita