Hi kiwibunnies,

Surely the rest of the family doesn’t think she’s an angel. What I would do is to say to those people individually, “I’m going to miss the big family reunion/holiday, but I want to see YOU! Let’s get together!” You can be very honest with them. Tell them you literally cannot hand the evil MIL, that you have anxiety. (This will get back to her. Let it.) In fact, you can solicit THEIR help in dealing with her. They can be your backup and your buffer when you’re around her. Also ALWAYS have your own ride out so you’re never ever trapped at an event.

Your husband should have his own relationship with his mother and see her alone. He can be honest with her. “You stress my wife out.”

And, P.S. you CAN move! Half an hour in the opposite direction of his job from where she lives. Fifty minutes is a bigger pain in the azz for her than twenty when it comes to tormenting you.

Best,

Inky