Is she the kind of person to be direct and say what she thinks outright, especially in the instances that denotes you as patronizing? Does she have a good memory or is life a series of impression to her? Memories aren’t that reliable. How close is your relationship seeing as you might be acquaintances than friends so she probably hasn’t seen the good and bad sides of you? Did you follow up with her on her impression of your patronizing first impression? She might have mull on it and remember some examples, but felt it too awkward to bring it up again. But why does she have to help you figure out whether you are patronizing or not?

One of the reasons I feel able to talk with this person is that she really doesn’t care about what others think – she’s very comfortable in her own skin and speaks her mind freely (and I encourage her to). She believes there may be a lot of factors at play (from unconscious bias to unspoken prejudice to my failure to “know my audience”). I asked her opinion because as a specialist in public relations she has the ability to give me an informed opinion.