Dear Tenna:

You started your thread with: “I am seeking advice on how I can improve my relationship”- if your aim is a long term relationship with him, a future of living with him, maybe getting married and so forth, then I have the following input and advice according to my best understanding of the little information I have:

He is motivated to please his mother. This means that in the context of the relationship with you now and more so in the future, when he lives with you, he will be motivated to please you. Don’t use it to take unfair advantage of him, but use it for your benefit and his benefit.

Unlike his mother, don’t criticize his efforts to please you. Instead  express your positive appreciation every time- now in the long distance context and continue when you visit him.

When you ask him to do something for you (and do ask him, he is likely to be glad you do)- ask for a small thing, one thing at a time, so to not overwhelm him, then when he does what you asked him to do, express your appreciation. Later on, ask for something else. (Again, what you ask is for your benefit and his, having the win-win principle of benefit in the relationship).

Don’t demand that he does this or that, don’t overwhelm him, don’t be “a bit too much sometimes”, like his mother, but be assertive, a gentle leader of sorts, in the relationship.

When you see him in person, do tasks together as a team, just as you did before and more. Not always, but often.

Help him maybe in his employment efforts, keeping in mind that he likes team work and planning a strategy to obtain an objective, see if he is capable of doing jobs that involve team work and planning. Or a job that will lead him to a higher planning position later on. Maybe you can talk with him about his employment prospects some of the time?

anita