Dear gj:

“Need help understanding the world”- to understand the world we have to understand the beginning of the world for each one of us. The beginning of the world for each one of us is our childhood.

“how well people treat us depends on where we are in the social hierarchy”- and children are in the lowest of social hierarchy, born with no money, no item of luxury, no academic title, no property, but naked, not even able to control their bodily functions. And so, many parents treat their children accordingly.

You wrote in your previous thread: “My mom has complained that her parents never truly cared about her”- her parents didn’t value her, didn’t love her.

And then,  in turn, “I once asked her how she felt when she held me for the first time, she said she does not remember much and agreed it may not have been a significantly joyous reaction”.

Following your birth, she never told you anything kind, didn’t cherish you, didn’t listen to you and was detached from you (“I never heard any kind words from her… knowing someone is always there for you and cherishes you. I do not have evidence for that. My mom.. never listens… just detached“).

Unloved children become unloving adults, to their own children and to anyone and everyone ese, and they treat nicely those who have something they want, like prestige, power, money.

“we are all selfish and everything about kindness and empathy is a lie when it comes to action”– what about you, what are your next actions, selfish or kind?

-your mother suffered in her own arranged marriage but she has passionately wanted to arrange your marriage to a stranger. You are eager to please her more now than before, because she is sick. Will you then marry a stranger? And when you do, will you have a child with this stranger-

And when you hold that baby for the first time, will it also be for you, a not “a significantly joyous reaction”?

Hope for the world is when parents value and love their children. When you pass on the lack of love to your own children, you do your  part contributing to the world you are complaining about.

All your love for your mother (and there is a lot of it) will not do anything to undo the lack of love she experienced from her own  parents. She is not open to receive your love, never has been.

But your children in the future, they will be 100% open to your love. Don’t do to  them what your mother did to you and what her mother did to her. Don’t cause their hearts to harden and continue the tradition of insensitivity, detachment and acting like robots (“the doctors were so insensitive… acting so detached… robots”).

anita