Hey Shelby.  Not too surprising about therapy I guess but your therapist should know when you are ready for a gentle push.  I imagine going forwards is still too scary for you for now.

What I have done in the past to help loosen fear is to pick one small, tiny thing unrelated to what I was scared of at the time, something I would normally have decided wasn’t worth being assertive or confident on, letting it go or agreed to for the sake of not causing a confrontation with others or myself. And so I would pick this one tiny thing and then use it to practice, to show myself that I could do something scary and the world wouldn’t and didn’t cave in ( slight exaggeration clearly but you get the idea 😉 ). So it might have been as simple as speaking up in a big meeting, aware I’d be blushing madly, stomach screwed up in anxiety at doing so, that I was going to look stupid. But I’d do it anyway and sure enough, the world was fine, people would comment or not, the meeting carried on, I was fine.  Sounds stupid now but back then it was incredibly hard for me to think my opinion mattered, let alone stand up for it. But each time you do a small thing like that, it’s such a boost to your self-esteem to know you conquered it and it lessens the power of fear over you in all areas of your life.

Perhaps that’s why you have plateaued now with therapy. Progress and growth is a mixture of learning and directed action.  Like training for a marathon, all the time in the world spent reading and talking to others for advice about how to train, what to eat, what trainers were best etc, would not get my feet actually on the road and running. Likewise, if I just dived in with no idea what I was doing, what my aim was and how I would be able to measure progress I’d probably make it through a couple of runs and then give up. It’s the combination of being able to take the learnings and advice, individually assess them as to your own values and come up with what you think is right for you – and then crucially – taking action.  It’s only by combining action with learning/thinking that we move forwards.  Worth thinking about and perhaps discussing with your therapist next time perhaps.

I’m sure Kkasxo is doing ok, she is stronger than she knows even if she is panicking right about now about the impending house and family move. Be good to hear some of her funny and intelligent comments though for sure.

How’s it going Griff?