Dear sadman11:

Please pay attention to the following. I want you to pay attention because if you are already back in the relationship with this young woman, I would like it to work for your benefit and hers:

You wrote earlier in this thread: “It’s like I lose control of my emotions because of something she said, or something I learned of her past that I do not like and I intentionally hurt her”-

– notice this: you “intentionally hurt her” not because of “something (you) learned of her past”, but because of what happened in your past.

This is part of what happened in your past: “When my father was at work, his daughter.. who was an adult during my childhood would torture me. Treated me like an animal. I don’t have the heart to talk about the specifics because it’s too humiliating”.

Understandably you carry that anger, at that woman who tortured you when you were a child, and it is this anger that gets activated when you are with your girlfriend.

You can break this pattern of punishing your girlfriend for what your father’s daughter did to you, by controlling what you say to your girlfriend when you feel that old anger get activated. No matter how angry you feel, hold your tongue, don’t try to say something to hurt your girlfriend. If you are having a particular difficult time, take a time out to relax, and after you are calm, then contact your girlfriend.

To heal yourself from the abuse you suffered so to no longer be repeatedly and intensely angry, it does take quality psychotherapy where you will talk about what happened to a qualified, empathetic therapist and over time, your hurt and anger will lessen and lessen, so you will not have such a difficult time in your relationship with your girlfriend, and otherwise in life. Your depression will lift and you will live a much better life.

anita