Well done on sticking it out for the masters, I know how tough they are – I’d had more than enough study by the time I finished my BSc for sure.  Is the industry in general not paid well or just this particular employer/role?  As in can you look to move jobs or take on management positions etc or is it as good as it gets?  There’s some interesting data published around on the difference in wages of people move roles/jobs every couple years in the early days of working vs those who stay in the same place. Seems staying put and relying on wage increases/promotions doesn’t do you any favours if you want to be better paid and I’d have to say it’s very true in my industry but obviously I don’t know if yours is the same way.

But yeah, I think it’s pretty natural to want to feel you are progressing, even if just a tiny bit, each month/year rather than still just treading water. It’s tiring, right. If I thought you had any spare time I’d suggest you read some of the FIRE ( Financial Independence, Retire Early ) blogs, they have some great advice on escaping from that loop and it’s pretty inspiring stuff. It’s how I’m doing what I’m doing now so I may be a little biased here…but happy to share more if interested. Funnily enough, it’s not that different to relationship type advice, i.e. deal with reality not how you wish things were, do what can be done and don’t try to control what can’t be controlled.

What has surprised you about your ex recently ( ignoring he whole South American side-trip business!)?  I think there’s a difference between feeling genuinely surprised or figuring out if it’s more like just disappointed or even anger or fear, all of which would be understandable. It’s useful to know which you really feel as it can help you figure out what response is best to deal with it before simply reacting to whatever happened/didn’t happen.

I don’t think you can ever successfully pretend to be something you are not, not for long anyway.  So yes, you are who you are and you aren’t naturally strong, resilient or secure now. I wasn’t either, remember. But what’s incredibly powerful is knowing that, accepting that – and then still doing the brave thing anyway, like your Aus trip, like not getting anxious over your ex.  It means you are stronger than a naturally confident person – think about it, they aren’t facing their fears all the time, they are just being themselves.  But each time you face and conquer a fear, it gets easier the next time, it loses it’s power over you.  There’s nothing brave or courageous about doing something if you aren’t scared of it in the first place. It’s much smarter to know the risks and then decide that they are worth it.

Last thought for today – it is worth spending the time to make sure you are facing the right fear. For example, planning a trip to Aus is awesome – so long as it isn’t because it is easier/less scary than dealing with issues with work/life at home. Likewise, trying again with your ex is a brave decision since you can’t know how it will turn out this time – so long as you aren’t trying again as the fear of giving up on this relationship is greater than the fear of trying. Make sense?