I think I am consumed in missing out on the friendships. The roommates, the support and the going through it with someone/ other people.

But you are right, many people do not experience it, and what it is is probably not what I imagine anyway.

The shame, I remember it mostly when I started becoming friends with my ex.

We were friends for years before we dated, but I recognize never feeling like it was a good friendship now that I look back.

My shame came from not fitting in, for being awkward. I was his friend but he did not want people to know I was his friend because I was not apart of the cool crowd.

I think shame for not being more confident in myself and not expecting more. Shame for forgetting my goals and chasing a boy instead. I was very studious and had lofty goals in life, and then they turned into trying to be better for him.

I am ashamed of forgetting who I was and what I needed for the sake of love, that was not really love.

It started when I was so young and I think I look back and wish I had known better to be more dedicated and keep my sights where they needed to be.